JUST ANOTHER UPDATE

Dear All,

I have just finished reading my last blog to see where I left off. I can't believe that we have had Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year since I last wrote.

Thanksgiving was wonderful - we had the meal at Kelly & Nate's. Erin and Chris were there as were a couple of Kelly and Nate's friends. The meal was delicious, and the day was a lot of fun.
I stayed in Atlanta for 10 days and spent time between Kelly and Nate's and Chris and Erin's. They live only about 10 minutes apart which is very convenient. We had lots of fun and it was great to spend some quality time with Kyler. I admit to being a biased Nana, but he really is a beautiful child - he is so much fun and his verbal skills are awesome. He can carry on a conversation and he now speaks in sentences. When he phones me up now, he usually says "hi Nana, what are you doing". After I tell him, he usually tells me what he is doing, what he had to eat and what he watched on TV. He is also able to relate his little stories at day care to Kelly.
He told her yesterday that he scratched his best friend because they were playing too rough. Kyler and Brandon are told on a daily basis that they are too rough.

After Thanksgiving in Atlanta, I came home and celebrated Thanksgiving once again with my "Delton Family" - John, Alex, Woody, Emily, Tom and Linda. Woody's Dad and step-mother came too. We all prepared some dishes, but John and Woody cooked the turkeys (yep 2 - one deep fried and one oven roasted! We did not go hungry and John and Alex were very gracious hosts! Although it had been a very sad year, one only had to look around the table at both Thanksgiving meals and to remember absent family and friends to realise that we all still had much to be thankful for.

Eight days after returning from Atlanta, I headed to London with much excitement to see Damien and Lauren. I was bursting with happiness to see them again - I absolutely hate that we are all so far apart. Damien and Lauren only live 5 minutes apart, so that was very convenient.
Lauren had the day I arrived off work, but then had to work until we left for Egypt. Damien took time off and he had custody of me until then. It was funny to hear the kids discuss who would have custody of me........e.g. Damien you have custody of mum tomorrow morning until 12.30 and then I get her as I will be home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The day I arrived, we went shopping and Lauren and I finished our Christmas shopping. When she returned to work the next day, Damien and I went and did his Christmas shopping together. It is fun helping spend someone else's money.

I cannot remember the sequence of events whilst there, but we ate out a lot - that I do remember, and if I should forget, my clothes are a constant reminder. I am expecting to meet up with my toenails again sometime in the Spring!

We had one night at "The Old Goat", a pub near Lauren's place which serves excellent meals. The evening was a "Meet the dragon" night. That is, they bought along some friends to meet me - disrespectful children that I have! I also went and met Lauren for lunch and got to meet some of her work mates.

The most important person I got to meet whilst there was Anya (Anna), Damien's girlfriend. Anya is beautiful - inside and out and Damien is one lucky man. It took me less than 5 minutes to love Anya and I hope she will be around for a long time to come. Anya is Polish as is Lauren's house-mate Marta (who is also lovely). Damien had two housemates - Vickie who is South African and Cheryl who is Australian. Very multi-cultural little group and lots of fun!

On the 11th December, Damien, Lauren and I flew off to Egypt. It was just wonderful. The resort was beautiful - we were right on the red sea. There were around 5 swimming pools located within the resort complex, a health club, a beauty parlour, shops and a several wonderful restaurants. So Ho - a high class shopping and entertainment centre was just a 10 minute walk away.

All our food and beverages were included during our stay. Each meal was a buffet and despite our resolutions each night as we waddled off to bed - we all over indulged at every meal! The menu was varied on a daily basis, making it very difficult to resist temptation. Whilst the waiters (all male), were very attentive and polite, the drink staff seemed to lack some knowledge.Lauren and I frequently ordered pina coladas and it was rather like a lucky dip. Each one tasted great, but they were all very different - only the name remained constant! It seems, they just made what ever they wanted and we of course, were happy to drink them.

Lauren and Damien flew to Cairo to visit the pyramids, Sphinx and the museum. I did not join them however, as the guides stated that there was a lot of walking involved and I was not sure that my leg could handle it. They both enjoyed the day, although they did not like Cairo, they were awe struck by the pyramids etc.

The three of us, went on a tour through the desert to visit a Bedouin tribe. We set out on quads (all terrain vehicles). I was thinking that the desert would be a very smooth ride over the sand - this was not so! Wow, it was rather like driving over corrugated iron much of the way - a bone shaking experience. The guide told me to stand up and ride it and it would not be so jarring! Well he was right, but my arms were very sore the next day as were my thighs from standing and holding on. A real "Kodak" moment, I'm sure! After riding for approximately 1 hour, we alighted to have some water and take a camel ride. I was not going to miss that experience either............silly me............ It was difficult to even climb on the beast to begin with, then when he stood up - on my......it was scary. The ride was okay, but am sad to say, whilst riding him, I could think of little else, except how I was going to be able to hold on to the stupid handle, while he sat down to let me off. By this point in time, I was fully aware that sand only looks soft, so jumping off and rolling was not an option. Somehow, I managed to get off safely, and that will be my one and only camel ride in this lifetime!

After our camel ride, we once again climbed onto our quads and drove deeper into the desert (by this time, I was quite concerned about the lack of restrooms in the desert! Do remember, there are no trees to hide behind! Much to my relief when we arrived at our destination, they had indeed catered to the pampered western tourists and there were restrooms. We were seated on cushions inside an open tent and served Bedouin tea - hot and sweet and quite tasty to the dry palate. After that, we were all given a sheesha pipe to smoke and pass around (think they are also called hookahs???). Everyone had some (we each had our own individual mouth piece). The tobacco was aromatic and tasted of apples.

We were then entertained by African dancers, and belly dancers. We were forced to participate with the African dancers, which proved to be great fun. Damien was also dragged up by the beautiful belly dancer, whilst she attempted to teach him to belly dance. Although he protested, I suspect "he doth protest too much" and he too enjoyed himself. We have this entire day, quad, camel rides, dancing etc. on DVD, but am not sure who we will share it with.

We were served a sumptuous meal after which we drove our quads back though the desert, under a cool,dark but beautiful night sky. It really was a great day and a wonderful experience.
The rest of my time at the resort was spent lounging, reading and shopping at the markets. We had to bargain for everything, including taxi rides. It was fun to begin with, but became very tiresome. There are very few women in Sharm el Sheik, and for that reason, women are a novelty. Damien had fun, because various men offered to buy both Lauren and I. Okay, okay, she got a lot more offers than me. They made their offers to Damien. One guy offered 1,000 camels for Lauren and Damien said "heck mate, give me a carton of cigarettes and she is yours". We were later told, that we must not joke like that, so he just had to learn to say no. I did not like the way he hesitated when offered a million Egyptian pounds for Lauren and I as a package deal. Of course, it is worth way less in our money and I could not help but think, that is what saved us!!!

Our warm, balmy, lazy days soon came to an end and we returned to London after a long flight delay to find the car buried in snow! What a contrast.

Time passed very quickly on our return and the highlights were Lauren's birthday dinner at a lovely restaurant with around 20 of her friends, our wonderful Polish Christmas Eve meal, and our Christmas Day. Anya prepared our Christmas Eve meal by herself - several fish dishes, cabbage dishes, mushroom soup (to die for), pierogies and wonderful deserts.

Christmas dinner the kids had requested/ordered our traditional Christmas Breakfast and our traditional Christmas Dinner. Unfortunately, each of them had smaller ovens and Damien's would not fit the turkey, so we used both ovens at both houses and checked regularly. We timed it perfectly and both ovens yielded perfectly cooked, side dishes and the turkey at the correct time.

Another highlight of the trip was our tour of Stonehenge and the tour of a nearby village, topped off with a gourmet meal in the local village pub in front of the open fire.

As with all good things, my trip came to an end very quickly and it was with a heavy heart that I said good-bye to the kids. Hopefully, I will not have to wait another year before I see them.

Lauren has an appointment on February 1st requesting permission to come and visit us during the Summer - fingers crossed and lots of prayers please.

I returned home at around midnight on December 27th in time to do laundry, unpack and repack for my trip to Canada on 30th. It was nice to catch up with friends, if only briefly with some and in the ER with others. John and Alex and Tom and Linda and I went to dinner on 28th, and I arranged to meet Alex for lunch the next day. She arrived looking very pale and said she had fallen in her garage and hurt her elbow. Well with much persuasion from both John and I,(after we ate of course), we headed to the ER where they informed her that it was broken!!! She was heavily splinted from shoulder to wrist and came home here and rested til John finished work. She is still incapacitated and will be for another few weeks yet.

My trip to Canada was lovely , however, the weather was lousy- freezing. The roads were dangerous and icy for much of the time, however, we were still able to see movies, go bowling and of course, the old standby - eating out! I would have liked to have had a road trip to Montreal about 5 hours away, but the weather put a damper on that idea!

I returned home on the 14th and since then I have been busy catching up on mail/email,.phone calls and with friends.

On January 4, my neice Kerryn and her husband Mick welcomed a baby brother, for their son Owen. His name is Ellis Paul. He is a beautiful baby and a welcome addition to our great big family. Ellis has a hole in his heart and we are anxiously waiting to get further details. Prayers please.

Well I have attempted to give you the highlights without boring you all too much. The trips were wonderful and I could waffle on for hours. I have chosen instead to put lots of pictures at the end of this for those of you who are interested.

Love to you all,

Kathy
Damien & Anya

Damien & Anya

Damien & Anya

Anya

Stonehenge

in the

background

The resort in Egypt.

Although a Muslim

country they and all

the other resorts

decorated beautifully

for Christmas

Damien and I enjoying

an after dinner drink at

the resort.

Stonehenge

(Although the weather

looks beautiful, it was

freezing).

The Sphinx

Damien at the pyramids

Lauren on the pyramids

Lauren and I
(I have no idea where)

From left

Damien, Anya,

Lauren & Vickie

(Damien's

flatmate)

Lunching at a pub in a

little village

Lauren at a pub

Lauren & the pyramids

Aw gee

isn't my big brother

cute?????

The terrible two!

The beach and ocean at

the resort

The view from one

of the dining areas













Lauren got new pjs

for her birthday

from Marta

OCTOBER/NOVEMBER UPDATE

Dear All,

I guess it is time to update you all and to reassure everyone that I am doing okay. Paul had discussed with me what I should do in the event of his death. Needless to say his expectations were unreasonable and unreal. However, some of the practical issues I have carried out and as far as the emotional ones go – I am working on them. I have passed a few hurdles – our wedding anniversary and the seventh-month mark – very tough days. People tell me they can’t believe he has been gone for that long, but to me it feels like an eternity.

The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

The above is a quote I have often read and I am trying to live by it in some respects – to be alive is a gift and each of us should try to live each day to the fullest – not always easy, but at least something to strive for. Paul certainly did that, despite his many trials.

Each time I go to update the blog, I have difficulty trying to remember what I have been doing.

I know the landscaping was a work in progress since I wrote, and with rain delays, it took much longer than expected. It is now finished thankfully. Photos below.

John and Vickie came up for a weekend with their kids Briannah and Darien. They were very, very helpful. John and Alex came over as well and together we got the attics unpacked, some stuff sorted out in the barn and John did lots of clearing and cleaning on the dozer. Not only are they fun to have around, they are all wonderful friends and very much appreciated.

That weekend as John and Vickie left, Erin and Chris arrived to stay for a week. Chris had to work, but was able to do so from the house.

Kelly and Kyler arrived the next day. Kelly also had to work, which meant that Erin and I had to baby-sit Kyler. Poor us, what can I say, such a chore.

It was amazing to see and hear the difference in him in such a short time. He had grown taller, and his verbal skills had gone ahead in leaps and bounds. He is quite advanced verbally for his age and can carry on a conversation and sing songs. He can repeat any word that he hears (one must be very careful)!

Since his return, he phones me on his way to school each day – telling me what he had for breakfast, how many trucks he can see and to tell me he loves me and misses me. After speaking with Kyler, my day takes a turn for the better. Once when I was not home, he heard the answering machine with Paul’s voice and said “Grandpa”. I can’t believe he recognized Paul’s voice.

The kids had all come to help me organize a barn sale. Chris and Kelly worked through the day and then helped of an evening, whilst Erin, Kyler and I began to organize the items for sale. I had begun the set up but much was still to be done. Nate arrived on the Weds. Or Thursday, but I can’t remember. He too had to work through the day, so I had one office set up in the basement for Chris, and another in my bedroom sitting area for Kelly which she mostly shared with Nate. Thankfully I have wireless internet and they were all able to access their computers. It was rather like an office as the house had to be kept relatively quiet for the many phone calls made and received.

Our barn sale technically began on the Saturday morning, but I had sold a lot of goods in the week prior due to word of mouth. Our sale was a huge success and we opened it again (reluctantly) on the Sunday. The Sunday venture proved to be worthwhile as well.

I had donated Paul’s wheelchairs and wheelchair lifts to Veterans Affairs who were very happy to receive them. Other worthwhile goods not sold were donated to Habitat for Humanity and I still have some to go to good will. The barn is once again clean and tidy.

The kids set off for home on the Sunday, despite the fact that it was a holiday weekend here (i.e. Monday was the holiday). Erin had to start her new job on the Tuesday and the others all wanted to be back in time to recharge before their busy workweeks.

Erin started her new job at Grady Hospital in Atlanta. A very, very busy, understaffed, State run hospital. She found it difficult to secure a job, as most hospitals are short of funds thanks to the recession and as a consequence was not hiring new graduates because of the cost involved in orientation and training. Thankfully she persisted and ultimately was able to choose between positions offered. Since starting this, she has been working for weeks and is finally settled in.

Chris & Erin have been living with Kelly and Nate since they moved to Atlanta. Kelly and Nate were generous enough to offer them a home whilst they decided where they wanted to live and until Erin got a job. They recently found an apartment to rent and have since moved in. I am sure they are looking forward to finally setting up home together as a married couple. What a lucky break for them to have Kelly and Nate to give them time to get on their feet. I guess that is what families are for.

Since my last blog, my brother-in-law Tom was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He passed away on November 2 and prayers are much needed for both Tom, Lou (my sister) and the kids. It is difficult to be so far away from the family at such times. Luckily we are a very close and supportive family and my brothers and sister Maureen are all there for them. Tom was a great husband, a wonderful father and a great brother-in-law - he was much loved and will be greatly missed .

It has been a very difficult year – the loss of my husband, my brother and now my brother-in-law.

I have kept myself reasonably busy, preparing the house to put on the market. I don’t know whether that will be next year or in a few years, that depends on the market. I am preparing it just in case. The basement now has a drop ceiling, the barn is cleared and clean, landscaping done and my closet is now finished. It is ongoing and the next job will be to repaint the basement. I have purchased the paint and am now awaiting the urge!

I am hoping this weekend to have John, Vickie, Briannah, Darien, Lyn, Rita, Tom, Dan and Judy all come to stay. At this point in time, it looks like going ahead as they are all well. Rita, Tom, Dan and Judy were coming a few weeks ago, but a sinus infection and cold (Tom) put a stop to that. It should be fun having them all here.

As usual, my neighbors and my friends here have been wonderful to me and without their love and support, things would be much more difficult for me. They don’t all have access to this blog, but for those of you who do, I hope you all realize how special you are to me and how very much appreciated you all are. The same goes for my Aussie friends who call and email to check in – particularly Rhonda, Sue and Sheryl. I only have to pause for a minute to realize how lucky and blessed I am to have you all in my life.

John and Woody took me to a gun range and taught me how to load and shoot a gun. I am now armed and dangerous! I expect never to fire it again, however, in the event of a home invasion or whatever, I know I have something to fall back on as a last resort. The rest of Paul's guns go to auction on December 7.

John and Alex also got me a drive-way alarm and now I can hear if a car is approaching the house. It is great and I can hear it all over the house, even in the basement.

Bobby Bennett and Gopher came up for a weekend to lend a hand and to educate me on what was rubbish and what was good stuff in the garage and barn. It is sometimes hard for a woman to tell the difference with “boys stuff”!

The boat is finally fixed and once again with the help of friends it is now safely in the barn after having been winterized (whatever that is).

I will be spending Thanksgiving in Atlanta with Kelly, Nate, Kyler, Erin and Chris. I will be leaving here on Nov. 18th returning the day after Thanksgiving. I am counting the days til I see them again.

On Dec. 6 I am leaving for London where I will spend Christmas with Damien and Lauren. During my time in London, the 3 of us are going to spend a week in Africa (Egypt on the Red Sea) in Sharm El Sheikh . This link will give information of accommodation and excursions in the region http://www.charmofsharm.co.uk/

I am returning to the US the Sunday after Christmas. I am looking forward to being in London again and to my trip to Egypt, but mostly am looking forward to catching up with Damien and Lauren. It will be a year by then, since I have seen Lauren. Damien of course was able to be here for Erin’s wedding, but it will be six months.

As usual, I will post some pictures at the bottom of the blog for those of you who are interested.

Kyler with his best friend Brandon.

They were born one day apart and

go to the same day care.

Trick or Treat?

Kyler with his buddy Toohey

Kyler with mummy

My clean barn

Rita's new grandson -

Jack Valenti 4lb 9 0z

Born Oct. 30

Mom & baby doing well.

Welcome little man.

Landscape shots

CATCHING UP

Our family picture, taken

at Christmas.

Hi All,

It has been around 4 months since I last updated my blog. It it hard in some ways to believe that Paul and Dennis have been gone for that long, but in other ways, it seems like an eternity.

Much has happened in the last 4 months. Erin graduated from her Nursing Degree (with honors). My girlfriend Alex accompanied me to Chicago for Erin's Bridal Shower in May and then onto De Kalb for Erin's graduation ceremony.

We were all rather taken back when we walked into the graduation hall to see our family photo on the movie screen at the front. Each graduate was asked to supply a family photo and Erin supplied the one of the family taken at Christmas time (it appears at the end of this blog). It was purely circumstantial that our photo was on display, but as we were all missing Paul on this special occasion, to see him on screen was a tear jerker for us all.

At the end of May, Damien (my son) arrived for Erins wedding, soon followed by Maureen and Michael (my sister and brother-in-law), Gemma (neice), Carmel, James and Jude (neice and her family). Kelly, Nate and Kyler also came several days before the wedding and obviously Chris and Erin were here. It was great to have some of my Aussie family with me.

On the Thursday night before the wedding, we had a very full house, as most of the bridesmaids and groomsmen came to stay for the night.

On the Friday night, we had the rehearsal dinner. This was held at the wedding venue (Brook Lodge). It was held outdoor and it was a wonderful evening. They had a chuck wagon and drinks were served from there. The food was awesome and it was beautifully organised. They lit a huge bonfire for us once it became dark and everyone sat around toasting marshmellows and making smores. Prior to darkness, several people played games that were provided on site. It was a great night.

Saturday (wedding day), was an enjoyable day and largely stress free. Erin was a very laid-back, casual bride and just went with the flow - savoring each moment. The bride and bridesmaids dressed here at the house, which was chaotic, but fun. Erin was determined to be on time, so it was she who hassled the bridesmaids to hurry up. Gemma stepped into gear and very capably assisted me with getting Erin into her dress successfully. In fact, she took over and did a wonderful job - thanks Gem!

We arrived at the wedding venue a little early only to be told that the radar showed approaching rain which was due to arrive in 15 minutes at 6pm (the start of the wedding). They asked Erin if she wanted to move the ceremony indoors and she said no - call all the guests in their rooms, tell them to get to the ceremony site, phone others and get an eta - I will get married as soon as everyone is in place.

Our guests were wonderful and they all hastened to the site and the ceremony begun 5 minutes early, with only one guest (who got lost enroute), missing the actual ceremony. The rain held off for the ceremony and the photos and only produced a small shower during the reception when we were all safely inside.

Erin was beautiful (yes I am one-eyed, but I am also right)! Her groom was handsome and the bridesmaids and groomsmen maintained the high standard set by the bridal couple. Lots of pictures at the end of the blog!

I was very pleased for the food for the reception and it appeared the guests were too. The reception was very informal - the meal was buffet, with food to suit every palate and guests were able to select their own seats.

After the meal the party began and everyone got into the spirit of the evening with the dance floor hopping for the entire evening. The DJ even stayed on a bit later (for a fee of course), as no-one wanted the evening to end.

On the morning after the wedding, most guests met at the Lodge for a lovely buffet breakfast. We had an entire room to ourselves and other rather subdued in comparison to the evening before, it was a nice way to start the day.

After breakfast the guests all followed us back to the house, where we were joined by lots of friends to have Paul's Celebration of Life party and the spreading of his ashes. During the course of the day, we had close to 100 people in attendance.

We all went to the front of the house, formed a large circle, held hands and Sr. Lucille and Sr. Sandi, led us in prayer and a wonderful tribute to Paul. After this Kelly read my tribute for me. At the conclusion, friends and family all went off to the lake, the pond, Paul's hunting blind and his many special places and spread his ashes.

With many helping hands, lunch was soon ready and we had a lovely afternoon largely spent swapping stories and special memories we each had of Paul. Most of the men had some great stories many of which I had never heard before!

All our weekend plans - the rehearsal dinner, the wedding, celebration of life party went well, but would have been so much better if Lauren could have joined us. We missed her very much, but it would have been a lot tougher for her and her absence also leaves such a big gap in everything we do.

Maureen and Michael and Gemma stayed on after the wedding as did Damien. Damien did some excavating for me and mapped out a format for landscaping at the back of the house. He also found people to give quotes for the work and helped me make the decision on who to hire. I was sorry to see him go, for many reasons, but mainly because it was so nice to have him around.

Before Gemma headed back to Australia, we did lots of shopping trips and a trip to Niagara Falls. Maureen and Michael had seen it before, but they wanted Gemma to see it. I drove, and got us there and back safely and Gemma was suitably impressed. I like the shopping at the duty free store on the way back.

After Gemma's departure, Michael became the handyman and did lots of odd jobs around the place, whilst Maureen cleaned and organised me. We also took lots of day trips and helped the American economy a great deal with our shopping sprees.

Fourth of July was a great day which began with snacks at Tom and Linda's, then the boat parade (Maureen and Michael were judges, along with others). After the boat parade we moved next door to the Gattons for a pig roast. Everyone bought a plate to pass and they supplied the pig. It was a gourmet meal. We left around 5ish and went home to rest up before returning at dusk for the fireworks around the lake. There was no evidence of a recession and the display continued on for hours. It was indeed a lovely day.

Unfortunately Maureen and Michael left on July 8 (boo hoo). On July 11th I drove down to Chicago and met Lucky and Nancy for breakfast and then onto Paul's annual family picnic. After the picnic I stayed at Rita and Tom's for the night and headed home the next day. It was tiring, mentally and physically but very, enjoyable. I vowed I would drive to Chicago more often. Rita, Tom and the rest of the family are such good company. I am thankful that the kids bought Paul and I a GPS a couple of years ago, as I am used to be chaffeur driven by Paul whilst I just sat and chatted and took no notice of where I was or how I got there. It is tough, but I am becoming independent once again.

Recently I drove to Dayton, Ohio staying with Doug and Cherie (Kelly's in-laws). Kelly, Nate and Kyler were also there and we spent a lovely four days together. Doug, Cherie and the rest of the family are like an extension of our family - they are great fun, lovely people and we all get along so well together. It was another first for me - driving to Ohio by myself, but it was well worth it once again.

The landscaping at the back of the house will be completed in the next 2 weeks. I am currently getting quotes to finish the basement ceiling and a couple of other jobs, I am shopping for a new car and am selling Pauls. Mine has a lot of miles and I hope to do a few trips - Atlanta for one, so I need a good reliable car. I am interviewing real estate agents as I intend to put the house on the market in the Spring. I expect it will take some time to sell. I am making plans to go to London to meet with Damien and Lauren in mid-December and the 3 of us are going to Egypt for a week and back to London for Christmas.

Well I think I have caught up on everything for now.

Love to you all, Kathy - various photos below for those who are interested,

Our Nurse

Wishing she was here for everything!

Lauren in her bridesmaid dress,

celebrating the wedding in London

My brother Dennis approx. 10 days before his death.

Dennis and my brother Paul (taken on my visit)

Front row - Erin, Chris & Nate

Back row L to R Carmel, Damien, Gemma

Kelly, me, James, Maureen & Michael

Kelly, James, Nate & Carl

dancing???

The bride!

A floorshow
James & Gemma

The candy station

The groom and maids

Notice the lovely background

Man and wife

Giving my baby away!









With us in spirit

The gazebo

Damien and Chris

A bevy of beauties

So happy

Time to go






An imcomplete set - missing Lauren

All smiles








Happy together

Overlooking the pond

Posing beautifully

Breakfast time for Kyler
















Nite, nite little man.

Paul Dydalowicz & Dennis Gooding

My darling husband Paul

Dear All,

I know that you are all aware that my husband Paul passed away on April 2nd, as each of you received a very short email informing you.

Since then, I have received countless emails, phone calls and letters of love and support. Many of you have asked how and the details. I am unable to respond to you all individually at the moment, so though my blog would be the best way. I realise that so many of you loved Paul and are anxious to fill in the blanks.

As planned, I left for Australia on St. Patrick's Day staying overnight in LA on the way. I finally got to meet up with my brother Dennis on the following Saturday. It was bitter sweet to see him as he had deteriorated much more rapidly than expected. Although his body was weak, his spirit was not. I spent 10 minutes with him and then we headed off to Sat. evening Mass, where the rest of my siblings were waiting to meet us. After Mass we went to a local club where we were joined by some cousins and nieces and nephews.

On the Sunday, my newest nephew - a beautiful baby boy named Michael was Christened, after which, a large party was held to celebrate. Again many close family members and friends gathered. Dennis stayed for the duration, although he was unwell. He said he didn't want to waste a precious minute.

On Monday, I went with him to meet with his oncologist, who told me privately, that Dennis may have a month to live, but more than likely, just one week. I stayed with Dennis at his house, and on the Tuesday, my two sisters joined me. We then took it in turns to sit with Dennis, so that he was never alone. He had a constant stream of visitors and many, many phone calls, and he rallied to speak with them all. He tried to comfort them!

On the Friday, (Sat. Aussie time) Paul called (well he called at least twice a day), to tell me that he had severe leg pain and didn't feel well and that he was going to keep his promise to me and to visit the ER to have it checked out. He seemed in good spirits and led me to believe, that he was really just going as a precautionary measure, so that he wouldn't "get into trouble" with me if anything went wrong.

Several hours later, I called the hospital to find he had been admitted and spoke to his nurse who assured me that he was okay. He had a urinary tract infection which they were treating with an antibiotic and they expected he would be released the following Monday or Tuesday.

I decided I should go home and be there for when he was released from hospital, so with the help and support of family members in Australia, I managed to get on a flight from Albury to Sydney that day and then from Sydney to LA later that evening.

On arrival at LA, I had great difficulty getting a flight to Michigan that evening, but with the help of Kelly and Erin on their computers, I managed to get one into Detroit, which arrived at 5.30 am on Monday morning.

I called Paul from LA, spoke to a nurse who assured me all was well, but sensed something about Paul was not quite right.

Chris and Erin picked me up from Detroit airport, some 2 1/2 hours from the hospital. I arrived at the hospital soon after 9am. Paul and I had a wonderful reunion and spent several lovely hours chatting together. However, at one point, he seemed to have trouble breathing and when nurses didn't respond immediately when I buzzed them, I ran out and found the doctor just outside his door. The room quickly filled with doctors and nurses (code blue, I think), and Paul was quickly fading. He responded when I grabbed his hand and told him that I loved him - he said he loved me.

I was ushered out of the room and he was rushed to intensive care. Sometime later, I was allowed back in his new room (Erin and Chris had arrived at the hospital by then). We went into his room and was informed that he was now on life support, he had acute renal failure and they said he was unable to breath on his own.

They also told us that his heart was not strong enough to endure normal dialysis and that they were doing it at a very slow rate. He was hooked up to all sorts of machines and they informed me that he was in critical condition.

This was very hard to comprehend, and we had been laughing and talking together just a short time before.

Kelly arrived that evening and Paul remained on life support for the rest of Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday morning.

Paul and I had had several discussions about his health and he had asked me to promise him that I would never put him on life support. I did make that promise, however, this all happened very quickly, and when he was first placed on life support, I had hope, that he just needed help until the infection in his body was gone and then he would be okay again. When doctors informed me that this was not the case, I had him removed on Wednesday afternoon. Doctors thought it unlikely that he would be able to breath on his own and that if he did, his heart would fail quickly, as it was not strong enough to support him.

Once again, Paul proved the doctors wrong and he breathed on his own and his heart continued to beat, though very weakly. When they told me that they didn't know how long it would continue, I decided to bring him home.

Arrangements were made very quickly and we were all home two hours later. The hospice people were there as well and gave instructions for his care. Paul was very weak, but was able to talk. He knew he was dying, he knew he was home - we had a bed facing the lake - he opened his eyes and looked at the lake and said he was happy to be home.

He spoke on the phone to Damien and Lauren and told them both that he loved them. He spoke to his neice Carol, her husband and two daughters Annika and Ella and told them he loved them. He patted Mack (our dog) and said goodbye. He cuddled Kelly and Erin and told them he loved them. He held Chris's hand (Erin's fiance) and told him he loved him.

I sat with him all night and even when I thought he was unconscious he would squeeze my hand and tell me he loved me. He did this often throughout the night. We told him he could go and he peacefully took his last breath around 5.15 am on April 2nd in the presence of me, Kelly, Erin, Chris, Bobby Bennett, and John and Vickie - much loved and very dear friends.

Even up until his last breath, he was thinking of us - not of himself. I told him, I was leaving the room for 2 minutes and I had only just left when the girls called me back into the room - I believe he was trying to spare me from watching him go.

Paul was the center of my world - he loved me despite my many faults. Not only did he love me, he reminded me constantly of his love, both verbally and in his actions. He loved and supported me when I was up and when I was down, when I made mistakes and when I was lost, when I was sad - he cheered me up, when I was in pain either emotionally or physically, he did all he could to ease my pain.

Paul was always in pain himself, it was just that the intensity of his pain varied. He rarely complained and in fact, he was bright and cheerful most of the time despit his pain.

He cared deeply about other people, he loved almost everyone he ever met and if he had his way, he would have had every stranger he met, back to the house for coffee and chats.

He was a wonderful father to my children. We found Paul's love when we were bruised and his love helped heal us all. He was a father in such a way, that the term stepfather was never considered. My children often said that they wished Paul had come into our lives much, much sooner. My children are devastated and their grief too is overwhelming.

Paul was my soul-mate, my great love, my true friend. He made me a much better person, he gave me love, laughter and companionship. He taught me patience and tolerance. He raised my self-esteem. He was the music of my heart.

As I stated earlier, it is just too tough right now to respond to so many emails, and even some phone calls. My phone has been ringing constantly and it is sometimes difficult to find the time to return calls. But please also know, that the overwhelming love and support that has come to us via the calls, emails and cards, is very much appreciated. To hear and read of everyones, thoughts and love for Paul, warms us all.

To my wonderful, wonderful neighbors who have provided us with so much food, and offers of help - you will never understand what a difference you have made during this time. John and Alex, Tom and Linda, Dave and Lyn, Jim and Mary Ann, Larry and Jan, Dave B and many others (forgive me for forgetting some names - my mind is a sieve) you guys are so wonderful.

Sid and Mary, Rita and Tom, Robert and Joyce, John and Vickie - thank you seems inadequate.

For all you wonderful people who travelled from Chicago for the visitation and some for the funeral service as well - I thank God for your love and friendship.

My time with Paul was far to short and it is very hard to imagine my life without him in it. I know he is finally free from all the pain and frustrations of this life, and is in a much better place. I can only hope that he save me a seat beside him and that the rest of my life will make me worthy to join him one day.

I would like to say thank you also to my wonderful Aussie friends for their heartfelt messages of support on Paul's loss and the loss of my brother Dennis. Dennis died on April 1st around 11 pm.

Dennis was 58 - the same age as Paul and they were buried in different countries only hours apart.

Dennis was a wonderful brother and very much loved by all his siblings and many neices and nephews. He died too, thinking of others - refusing much needed pain medication as much as possible, so that his remaining time would be coherent and afford him the opportunity to say goodbye to his children and siblings with clarity of mind.

It is very painful to have lost them both, and I like to imagine them, finally meeting up in heaven - both free from pain, and watching over all those that they loved.

Kathy